Guest Blog at Honest Notes — Hipsters & Beer

My buddy U.N. Owen runs a blog called Honest Notes and requested my help on a guest series about a topic I’m quite familiar with — hipsters. Below is my contribution. You can view it in its original context here.

Let’s be honest… the real reason you pretend to enjoy blue-collar swill like Schlitz and Pabst Blue Ribbon isn’t because you empathize with the working class, nickel-and-dimed Americans who also imbibe the beverage, it’s because you’re a cheap bastard.

Look, I know things are pretty bad — even the trust funders are being priced out of Brooklyn and forced to move to Bushwick, or worse — get jobs! But come on, you really can’t knock back cans and bottles of that crap and say it tastes great. That shit-eating grin on your face — from the looks of what you’ve been imbibing — isn’t ironic. There isn’t a problem with being a tad economical in this climate. I mean, you already frequent the Salvation Army, so just admit that you’re also a fan of “thrift beer.”

Happy hours notwithstanding, and unless you’re lucky enough to live in Portland, the microbrew (and unemployment) capital of the US [Ed. note: no wonder there’s so many hipsters there], you’re going to be hard-pressed to find a drink that tastes great for the price. Why do you think you frequent so many gallery openings? Is it to support your fellow bohemians, or enjoy the free booze? The correct answer is most likely the latter. Why? BECAUSE REAL PATRONS ACTUALLY BUY THE ART.

But listen, I know John Deere shirts and trucker hats have long gone the way of the pleated pant. I’m not calling you posers for popularizing lo-fi ales, all I am saying is that if you opt to drink shitty beer, don’t go thinking to yourself that sympathizing with the working poor will make it go down any better. It’s ok to cut corners here and there: coke is an expensive habit to maintain.